There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.
When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.
In heaven, an angel asks him why.
“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”
How does a blonde turn off the light after having sex?
She opens the car door.
So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the roll, and then I said, "I guess that's why it's called ripping one!"
Why did Sarah call off the swing? Because she has no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.
Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."
He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.
What falls quicker off a tree? The leaf or the emo?
The leaf, because the emo is stopped by the rope.
Q: What's worse than f**king a 2 year old?
A: Wiping the blood off of your clown suit afterwards.
Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.
A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!
Isn't having depersonalization mean that you like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?
(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)
Is laughing a problem?
Laughing at what?
I want to jump.
Jump—what?
Jump off the hook.
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?
Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
Why'd the rubber go flying across the room?
Because it got pissed off!
Jorden Calerendiá.
I bet you are a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, by the way your roasts are not fucking funny they are bullshit like your face and your hairline.
Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?
He heard that little boy's pants were half off.
If you ever had your nipple ripped off by a possum, you might be a redneck...
Why is an orphan good at being naughty?
Because they don't have no one to tell them off.
What did the cookie say when he jumped off the cliff? Crumbs, ha ha!
Why is a rap boat like a dog?
They both get off sniffing assholes.
