Off jokes
Why did Sarah fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.
The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:
"Num num num num num!"
There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.
When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.
In heaven, an angel asks him why.
“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”
How does a blonde turn off the light after having sex?
She opens the car door.
So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the roll, and then I said, "I guess that's why it's called ripping one!"
Memes
Why did Sarah call off the swing? Because she has no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.
Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."
He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.
Why haven't they just tried turning Stephen Hawking on and off?
Stephen Hawking's family was cruel. He fell over and got told to man up and walk it off.
How does a booty stay in shape?
It works its glutes off!
Why is a rap boat like a dog?
They both get off sniffing assholes.
How do you get black kids to stop jumping off the bed?
You put Velcro on the ceiling.
How do you get the black kids down?
You invite the Mexicans over.
Is laughing a problem?
Laughing at what?
I want to jump.
Jump—what?
Jump off the hook.
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
Why'd the rubber go flying across the room?
Because it got pissed off!
Jorden Calerendiá.
I bet you are a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, by the way your roasts are not fucking funny they are bullshit like your face and your hairline.
Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?
Isn't having depersonalization mean that you like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?
(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)
Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?
He heard that little boy's pants were half off.