Off jokes

I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.

Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?

It was called Fall-adelphia.

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.

It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!

What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a bridge? "(sign language)"

What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?

"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

Get off of here, kids!

Sally fell off the swing.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Not Sally.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

If Kamala Harris is Indian, why doesn’t she have that dot on her head?

So she claims to be.

And the only black color I know is when you shut off the lights.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Knock, knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally.

Meya eats meat all her sins is go off when she eat meat.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

*Windows turning off*

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

I did a walk today, but it was so much better, and a walk home. I had dinner. Night was good fun at home. Night was good night. I was a little off, but you were so fun to be a night.

A blonde crashes an airplane.

Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?

Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.

Officer: *face palms self*

Also officer: Here's your sign.

What ankle is getting cut off of school? The lights.

When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"