My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.
A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.
This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
Being a man that is poor really isn't that bad as long as you are involved in the world's oldest profession and you are well-endowed and you are not homophobic and as long as you can suck the chrome off a tailpipe then you have nothing to worry about if you are desperate enough to pay your bills.
Lack of money is the root of all evil. 😊
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.
Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.
Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.
Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.
Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.
How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?
By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.
My grandfather died at Auschwitz.
Poor fella fell off the guard tower.
What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?
You got off clean.
Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully, she was hot and had a nice ass, so it was enjoyable raping her.
The next day when I woke up, I found her body only half eaten. Her lower body was still intact, so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast. Her ass tasted good with some ketchup.
Why did Jerry fall off the moon?
Because he got hit by a fridge.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off!
But he’s all right now.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes into a bank, they turn off the cameras.
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.
The news of the brother getting sucked off regularly by his sister spread really fast... all over her face 🤤.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Not Sally, she doesn’t have any arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She doesn’t have any arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus.
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
If a girl jumps off a cliff, some people call it suicide and some call it girl power, but I call it BULLSHIT.
Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?
