Off jokes

Why did the turkey cross the road?

Because it was the chicken's day off!

You're so trash that when I dropped you off, I got a ticket for littering.

She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.

I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn't know back-to-school sales had started already!

How do you piss off a color blind person?

Give them a Rubik's cube.

How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?

Take off the wheels!

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

What does a French guy say when he falls off?

Oh no, Eiffel!

What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

Teacher: What comes after C?

Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!

Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?

Me: AK47!!!

Teacher thought: Oh hell na.

Teacher: What comes after X?

Me: Xplosin.

1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.

Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...

"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"

I suppose that was a fair compromise!

What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?

Cause they want to become Super Man.

Why did the orphan fall off the mountain? Because his parents let go.

Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"

What goes hahaha bonk?

A man laughing his head off.

Scan my wrist for 75% off!

What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"

A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"

What does the bee say to the fly?

"Buzz off!"