My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?
"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩
Off Jokes
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!
That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...
What do you do to 7 to make it even? Take off the "s".
She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
What does a French guy say when he falls off?
Oh no, Eiffel!
What did the parent say to Michael Jackson?
"Get off my kid!"
Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.
Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
Teacher: What comes after C?
Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!
Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?
Me: AK47!!!
Teacher thought: Oh hell na.
Teacher: What comes after X?
Me: Xplosin.
1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.
Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...
"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"
I suppose that was a fair compromise!
Scan my wrist for 75% off!
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"
Why did the orphan fall off the mountain? Because his parents let go.
What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?
Cause they want to become Super Man.
What goes hahaha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
