Off jokes
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
What goes cackle, cackle, *bonk*?
A witch laughing its head off.
How do you kill Hellen Keller?
Take her on a walk off a cliff.
What does a plug do when he's horny?
He jacks off!
I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.
Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.
Memes
What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
What sound did Stephen Hawking make when he died? Power off.
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."
My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.
And they're off!
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
Yo mama is so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall.
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...
What do you do to 7 to make it even? Take off the "s".
5 4 3 2 1. I love the huge bright sun. 5 4 3 2 1. My life has just begun. Though Akeld and Unkown, make me feel alone, they want be dead, and off with my head, and all I said was... NO FRICKIN' HATIN' IN THESE COMMENTS! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Five little monkeys jumping on a bed.
One fell off and bumped his head. Mamma called Walmart, and Walmart said,
"We will give you a replacement!"
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?
"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩