No jokes

Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"

"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"

"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx

Do atoms eat booty? No, because they are too cool. ;)

Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?

That's okay. There is really no point to it.

Playing a game called 7-Up.

Student: Why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers?

Teacher: It's cheating!

Student: No! It's the object of the game.

Bob: Kanye West.

Dad: No, but I can East.

Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.

This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."

I am only here because me no like Blues Clues LGBTQ episode as I don’t believe in that. If you do, ok.

And it shouldn’t be a month, the month should be for all of the war veterans, it should be a day for pride. Companies only use this month for money; it’s exploitation because they don’t truly support, unlike me, in which I don’t support it.

Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"

Chuck Norris has gone to Mars. That's why there is no life on it.

I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.

My mom calls me.

Me: WHAT MOM?

No answer.

Me: WHAT?

What is a fish with no eyes?

A fsh!!!!!

What do iPhones and the Titanic have in common?

There's no Jack!

Me going to jail after telling the orphan he can't learn about ancient Egypt because he don't know what a mummy is.

Person: Did you hear about the black chick on the front of the bus?

Friend: No?

Person: Exactly.

What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.

Why do you want me?

Cus u like me...

What do you mean?

You love me.

No.

Look down.