No one jokes
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
Why are orphans bad at basketball?
Because no one is there for them to pass [the ball].
Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?
Because Sally wrote the invitations!
Why did the orphan cry to the teacher? Because they have no one else.
No one gives a fuck.
I told a joke at a funeral, but no one laughed. One mf was ded though💀.
I went to a feminist picnic the other day.
It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.
I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why are friends good at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
Sorry but, no one asked.
There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
Why can't orphans be gay?
There's no one to call "daddy."
There were 5 people on an airplane.
1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world
The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."
"Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."
The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.
The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.
The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.
Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"
And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"
Heaven is like university: no one gets in.
Why do orphans miss every hit? Because no one is cheering for them.
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
Why do orphans have no parents?
Because no one loves them.