Worst Jokes Ever
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
What rock group has four men that don't sing? -- Mount Rushmore.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.