Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"
Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"
Poipole walks into a bar and says “poipoipoipoi.”
The bartender says, “Sorry, but in order to get takeout, you have to know how to speak a foreign language.” Poipole says “Pika!”
Why did Pikachu chase Ash?
Because he wanted to Ketchum.
Why are mountains never serious?
Because they’re hill areas.
The other day, my best friend flipped off the table in class. I thought it was flipping amazing!
I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.
Why do disabled people always get picked on?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
When you see your friend, you call the police, but they just moan.
Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.
Why did the orphan not play baseball? Because he couldn't find home.
Why are the 9/11 survivors the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went down 109 stories in 10 seconds.
Roses are red, Your blood is too. You look like a monkey and belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I will be there too, Not in a cage but laughing at you!
We used to have a tail on the back... and now it moves forward.
The date is April 1st.
Somebody asks you what you are doing.
“I guess you could say I’m... fooling around ( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)“
How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.
9/11 happened... right?
The cops respond to 9-1-1... coincidence, I think not.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.
After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"
The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"
The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"
"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.
The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.
"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.
"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.
"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.
"I was on top!"
All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.
"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.
"I'm having puppies!"
