Worst Jokes Ever
A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
I told my sister a Dairy joke.
She said it was cheesy.
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
What does NASA stand for?
Not A Space Agency.
My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡
What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
How do angels 😇 make holy water 💧?
They boil the hell out of it.
Q: What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
A: Leukemia.
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
What do you call a sick eagle?
Ill-eagle! 😂
Why do cheetahs never get an A+ on a test? They always cheetah!
Poooooooooooooooooooooop!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
Bless you!
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
The moment you realize that school Kahoot! games are more competitive than the Super Bowl.