Navy jokes
Why does the Marine Corps have the best uniforms?
Because the Navy wants their bitches to look nice.
What does Marine stand for?
My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment
After 6 months of lockdown,
I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself.
As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...
"It was just a prank bro."
What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it's the "R," but it's really the "C."
What did the Americans call the Battle of Midway after Pearl Harbor?
The Jap trap.
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
Putin be like that boat is now a submarine!
What is the difference between Madeleine McCann and a submarine?
They are both full of seamen and are at the bottom of the ocean.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
Iran: We can beat the USA.
Japan: You do realize we beat him in Battleship, and he dropped the sun on us.
Iran: So?
Japan: Twice!
Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?
Boys: blue is blue.
I just found out that there is a racist stereotype about Asians being bad drivers, which isn't true... but if it is, then maybe Pearl Harbor was just an accident.
Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.
Abandon ship!
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
What's black, long and full of seamen?
A submarine.
Why is the Navy gay?
There all seamen.
What's long, black and full of seamen? A submarine.