New Myself Jokes - Page 8 - Worst Jokes Ever

When someone tells me to kill myself,

Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.

:can I borrow a book how to kill myself

:librarian. No cause you won’t bring it back

I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.

My sister said to kill myself so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die

My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?

He - I love you Me - I love myself too

A person laughs every day.

"Man," they say, "I'm glad I'm not an egg, otherwise I'd just CRACK MYseLf uP!"

Me: *listening to music under a tree and smiling*

Random person who sees me: Awwww look at him, he looks so so happy ^w^

Me: *actually listening to depressing music that makes me wanna kill and end myself but just smiles to show that everything's gonna be fine even if it won't*

Friend: You ok, man?

Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...

I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."

I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that

Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)

Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?

I wake up and I find myself on the floor.

I love myself

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Insomnia.

You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...

Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.

I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favourite...