Merchant jokes

I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬

As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.

I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.

The cycle of Pionel Pessi:

- Ghosting👻

- Diving🐬

- Complaining to teammates😡

- Complaining to refs🤬

- Missing sitters🤦‍♂️

- Gets a lucky open net tapin⚽️

- Proceed to get 🐐 shouts

- Repeat🔁

People with REAL ball knowledge know he’s just an overrated tapin merchant 😭

I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!

People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!

In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.

Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.

You know, eBay sucks. I was looking for a lighter, and it gave me 18,906 matches.

I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!