When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.
Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"
The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"
Why did one emo say to the other?
"I like your cuts, G."
A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"
What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.
My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺
What’s a depressed kid's favorite game? Hangman.
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
How do you get an emo down from a tree?
Cut the rope!
Your hairline's so far back that five hour energy became a five day depression.
I don't struggle with depression- like, at this point, I have it down. I'm good at depression.
when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"
It's always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.
How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...
But now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide
Me: Aren't they the same thing?
