New Mental Health Jokes - Page 18

I can't fake the smile for long, as there is weight hanging at both of its ends called depression.

I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?

The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.

What's worse than depression & suicide?

Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.

Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?

Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?

After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.

Hi, I'm Depraashin.

Hi, I'm rope. May I hang with you guys?

Me: Hey, how are you?

Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3

Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?

Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.

Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!

Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)

Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!

Me: Ok, and their names?

Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!

Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)

Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.

Me: Ok, see you soon! :3

Me now hates my life. :)

Call me a bad economy with high interest rates and low spending, 'cause I'm in a great depression.

I don’t struggle with depression, at this point I’ve got it down. I’m good at depression.

How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."

Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.

When you suffer from depression and somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of this before?

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.

Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂

If you know it, you know it.

I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.