Lit jokes

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.

"Did you go to the light show?"

"Yeah, it was lit."

I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."

So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)

My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?

Hey girl, are you a wizard? Because you cast lit in my Final Fantasy!

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

Bruh.

What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?

Paul Walker's death.

Ok, ok, ooh, I'm so lit right now.

Your life is so boring, why you sleepin' on me? I can hear you snorin'. Aye, I'm so lit right now, my diamonds on that lit lit. Why don't you just get up? Aye, yeah, get him 'cause I'm awake, boy. Ooh, I'm so lit right now, your life is so boring, why you sleepin' on me? I can hear you snorin'. Aye, I'm so lit right now, my diamonds on that lit lit. Why don't you just get up? Aye, yeah, get him 'cause I'm awake, boy. Ok, ok, ooh, I'm so lit right now, your life is so boring, why you sleepin' on me? I can hear you snorin'. Aye, I'm so lit right now, my diamonds on that lit lit. Why don't you just get up? Aye, yeah, get him 'cause I'm awake, boy.

It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!

F*ck me!

I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.

Chuck Norris lit a campfire, and humans saw the sun for the first time.

My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

Wow, these jokes are lit.

Some might say even killer!

During the election campaign of 2012, we heard about Obama, but we thought they said Osama. So I told my friend, "Grab his gun and let's have some fun." So during one of Obama's campaigns, we both shot him to death, which lasted a while.

Then my friend said, "Let's go get piss drunk at Mavericks bar." Then on TV they talked about Obama's death, and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.

Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!