Let jokes

Let me tell you a joke about pizza!

Never mind...

It's too cheesy.

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

A king ordered to execute a gay man.

The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."

Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.

Guy: Let's drop the soap.

Girl: Let's do it!

I'm upset, but when I saw you, you never let me down.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ruff ruff.

Ruff ruff who?

Let the dogs out.

Hey, let’s go, we are heading for the Towers!

Wait, what?

Call 911!

Git is going to let Bill Cosby out of jail. Oh wait, he watched Little Bill.

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."

The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"

When you let the school shooter borrow your pen so he doesn't kill you.

Your mama is so fat, when her husband said, "Let's go to the Super Bowl," she bought a spoon.

Are you a rope? Let's hang out by a tree and drink :)

Why you never have to give a balloon to Elsa?

Because she will let it goooooooooooooooo let it goooo!

Some kid: Hey, did you know there's an orphanage down the street?!

Me: NO WAY! Wanna check it out?

Kid: NO, IT'S HAUNTED!!

Me: Haunted my ass, let's go!

Kid: Wait, isn't your house also haunted???

Me: Yea

Why can you not let an orphan touch an iPhone 7? Because it would break if they touched the home button.

Why didn't the orphan play video games with his friends?

Because his parents wouldn't let him.

Batman: I’m vengeance.

Dad: Hi Vengeance, I’m dad.

Batman: ...

Dad: Son, it’s been 20 years, please let go.

I'm so poor that they let me buy the entire store! For $0...