Leader

Leader jokes

Feminist

    • What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

    Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

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    • War

    • A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...

    "What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"

    Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."

    "Oh, right. How's it going?"

    "Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."

    "Wow! What about NATO?"

    "They haven't turned up yet."

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    • Parachute

    • Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry, everyone. I punched the wrong buttons, and we are heading to DC instead of New York, and we are about to run out of fuel." He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.

    Donald faced the other four and orders:

    "I'm the greatest leader of the world, and I'll make the decision. Tony, you go first. Our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging."

    Tony jumps off.

    "Francis, my friend, you go next. Pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me."

    Francis jumps off.

    Hillary faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history."

    Hillary jumps off.

    Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children, just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and..."

    Greta interjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"

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    • Johnny Depp

    • What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?

    Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.

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    • Leader memes

    Record

    • What record did Obama prove during his presidency?

    No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.

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    • Cost

    • Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.

    Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.

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    • People

    • People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!

    Mama

    • Yo mama is so ugly, when she went trick or treating on Halloween 2016, the clowns thought she was their supreme leader.

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    • Pineapple

    • Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."

    The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.

    The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.

    The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.

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