Lawyer jokes

A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.

The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?

What time is it when a rooster sits on a fence? Morning.

What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? Time to get a new fence.

What time is it when a lawyer sits on the fence? Time for an elephant to sit on the fence.

What do lawyers wear to court?

Lawsuits.

What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?

A good start :)

Two lawyers are sitting on a park bench, and these two beautiful women walk by. The first lawyer says to the other, “Let’s go fuck these chicks.”

The second lawyer says, “Outta what?”

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...

...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."

To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"

I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.

Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."