Kids Jokes

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

Bro, I gave a suicidal kid Nikes... he just did it, lol.

When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.

My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.

The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;

What's better than eight kids in a dustbin?

One kid in eight dustbins.

I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

Kids?

That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...

What do you call an Asian kid that is bad at math?

An orphan.

What does Michael Jackson and a TV have in common? They both get turned on by kids.

What did the parent say to Michael Jackson?

"Get off my kid!"

If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?

What do you call a kid with special needs with a gun? Special Forces.

It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.

You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?

When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...

...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)

Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!

Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!

The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.

The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?

“A sped runner.”

What do ants and Michael Jackson have in common? They go in kids' pants.

People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.

Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!