Kids jokes
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.
How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.
We all yelled "Rocket league!"
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
So, a kid is taking a test, and the paper says, "In a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, a pink bed, a pink TV, and a pink cat. What color are the stairs?"
So the kid answers pink, like the idiot he is.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
Top 1 best football player 🏈 in the world.
“The guy who tackles the Make-A-Wish kid!”
How do you keep a blind kid entertained?
You take him to a stadium crowd, then give him a bat and tell him to hit the piñata.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?
It left him hanging.
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
I can smell your kids!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high, touched Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."
But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a kid.
Dark humor never gets old, like kids from Africa.
What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?
Are you ready kids?
When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.