Joke jokes
"Sike, I lied, your dick is dry."
How sad and pathetic is it that all you wait for after you finish a suicidal joke is for people to like your joke, but you know you'll just be a failure at that as well?
Few jokes (sorry if they have already been used).
1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.
3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.
4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.
5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."
7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.
8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?
Cause they want to become Super Man.
I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.
I have a joke about lazy people!
Actually... forget it... it won't work.
I told this knock knock joke to Helen Keller...
Me: Knock Knock
Her:
I wrote a joke on MH370... but I don’t know where it went.
Why can’t orphans work at SC Johnson?
Because it’s a family company.
What do you call a spaceman’s willy?
A Shuttlecock!
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
She blew on it, and it went hard.
Why did the orphan try to fly? It was trying to find its parents.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
What part of the Earth does Helen Keller not have?
The sea.