Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
Women: Can I have your number?
Jesus: No..
Women: Why? Are you scared?
Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.
What's a phsyc wards worker favorite incense, Insurance fraud
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church. You follow him in and under their breath it sounds like somebody says you steal and you say in your mind knowing you have before I’m sorry then somebody caughs and under their breath it sounds like they say again you steal so you whisper quietly I’m sorry... ...then somebody in German says shoot that son of a bitch
What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails
Jesus
Wanna hear a joke? :Jesus being real
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.
If you're a crucified savior clap your hand's.
a man dies and goes to heaven he sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for, he replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. he said that mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincon's once, and George Washington's never. the man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Bidden's is the one keeping the hurricane's to speed
Jesus and his friend went fishing they both cast the line out and both of them get a bite but Jesus's friend misses and says "damn I missed" jesus said "that's a bad sentence to say if you say it 3 time something bad will happen to you" they cast it out again and both get a bite and Jesus's friend misses again and says "damn I missed" jesus replied "if you say that one more time something bad will happen" they cast out again and Jesus's friends line snaps and he says "damn I missed" jesus said "that's the last time something bad will happen" the biggest thunder storm ever seen appeared and a lightning bolt struck jesus and a voice came from the clouds "damn I missed"
Why don't lesbians like dick? Because they don't want there mouths looking like jesus christs hands.
Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie... And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!". I immediately stopped watching changed the channel
now you should let your imagination work .... imagine naked Jesus with an direction... and nail holes in his hands ........
Why can jesus walk on water Because rubbish floats
Boy:*Scares girl* Girl:GOSH YOU SCARED ME, JESUS Jesus:*Arrives out of nowhere and said wut is it hooman I got work to do* Girl:What work? Jesus:Coming out of nowhere when people say "jesus"
what’s the difference between jesus and maddie mccann one had the last supper
Which company likes jesus the most? IHS markit!
F*** jesus ate his stinky ass
Who gave jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa clause!
