it's jokes
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.
I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
"Stop it! It hertz so much!"
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
Sans: haha... Paps: what? Sans: i KNEW it was gonna rain today. Paps: that's nearly impossible, how? Sans: i could feel it in my bo- Paps: OH MY GOD STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
Why couldn't the boy go see the pirate movie?
Because it was rated ARRRR.
Last night I remember partying with friends to find blood on my nightstand.
Moments after, I scolded my friends to put my alarm clock back where they found it.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Nevermind, it's POINTLESS.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
Why couldn't the orphan go into the restaurant?
It was family friendly.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because it had no body to dance with!
My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.
Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.
Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.
My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.
Chuck Norris trained Dude Perfect how to do it.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 80 people.
Then it exploded.
My life.
Tell me when you get it.
Vegans: Save the Earth.
Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!