it's jokes
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos.
Your hairline is so far back that if you were a backbencher in class and I was a germ sitting on it, I would think that the rest of the backbenchers are seated in front of the class.
Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?
It goes right over their head.
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.
They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
What is the difference between white people and coal?
It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.
Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.
I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.