it's jokes

How do you cut your grass without a lawn mower?

You dye it blue and it will cut itself.

Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.

How do you cut your grass without a lawnmower?

You dye it blue and it will cut itself.

Why don't Indians play soccer?

Because every time they get a corner, they build a shop on it.

Did you hear about the bad joke? No? It hasn't been made up yet. HAHAHAHAHAHA

SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"

Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"

Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...

My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."

Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.

Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"

Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

Which country can swim?

Finland. Get it? Fin Land?

Your hairline is so far back my grandpa said he had a glimpse of it in the 1960s.

Your hairline legit looks like the Himalayan mountain range, except you need binoculars to find it.

Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.

How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?

It never gets old.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.

He said it was the most violent book he ever read.

Your hairline looks like it got burnt in the Civil War.

Your forehead is so big you can land a jumbo jet on it.

Yo forehead so big it makes Megamind's forehead small.

So, a mom and a dad are having sex. Their daughter comes down and says, "Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?"

The mom goes, "Uh, we're making a cake. Let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow."

So the next day they go to the park, and two teens are going at it in some bushes, and the little girl goes, "Mommy, Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

So they go home, and the mom tucked her into bed and says, "Tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo, and two monkeys are going at it, and the girl goes, "Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

And so they go home, and the girl goes, "Mommy, did you and Daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says, "N-no, why?" And the little girl goes, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

Your hairline is so far back, it left before your dad.

Why is Viagra just like Disneyland?

It's a 1 hour wait for a 5 minute ride.

There is a country in Africa. It's called Djibouti. It has a crack in it!