it's jokes

What do you call a sharpened pencil? You call a sharpened pencil a sharpened pencil.

My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.

How many heterosexual men does it take to change a lightbulb in heaven?

Both of them.

Yeah, Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad, I know, yeah, I'm sad, I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah.

I gave her everything. She took my heart and left me lonely. I think broken heart's contagious. I won't fix, I'd rather weep. I'm lost then I'm found. But it's torture bein' in love. I love when you're around. But I f**kin' hate when you leave. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah.

Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find home.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"

"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

I got barred from Weight Watchers today.

It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.

You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."

Your hairline is so big it took your mom a map to find it.

Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!

How is the world like a box of crayons?

Nobody likes the white ones.

And a side note, it's multi colored.

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

Tell me a joke about my hairline.

No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?

Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?

Me: It's an autobiography.

Your hairline is so bent that Bob the Builder couldn't fix it.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.

I was gonna tell you a Kobe Bryant joke.

But it would just crash and burn.