IT jokes
How do you suck a dick?
Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.
When Stephen Hawking died, I assume his computer crash caused it.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a blender.
Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?
Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.
Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?
How do you sink an American battleship?
Have the French build it.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"
Yo mama so stupid, when her phone dies, she buries it.
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
Why did the bike fall over?
'Cause it was wheely tired.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
More than 9 because my basement's still dark.
How did the air beat me at chess? It did that thing, haha!
It was so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice!
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...
Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?
Because when it beeps, it's him!
So I was on Google, and on my computer it had Windows. When Stephen Hawking died, it shut down, the shutdown sound played, and wouldn't turn on again.
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Never mind, it’s too long.