IT jokes
I adopted a dog. It's gone now.
At least homeless people in China are not starving.
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.
What's the a simulation between a penis and a Rubik's cube?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?
It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
Person 1: "Hey, I created a new word!"
Person 2: "What is it?"
Person 1: "Plagiarism!"
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
Justin: Hey.
Josh: Hey man.
Justin: Why only "man"?
Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.
Justin: I don't mind.
Josh: Okay, S L A V E.
Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!
My dick is red.
Your pussy's pink.
It's really tight
When you're dead.
What’s worse than giving women rights?
Having them. In the first place.
Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.
What's the difference between a baby and a ball?
If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.