IT jokes
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
What do you do to 7 to make it even? Take off the "s".
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.
But hay! It's in my jeans!
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because its uncles were all aunts!
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the street?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
A blind guy walks into the door of a bar...
That's it... that's the end of the joke.
A family had a very disobedient dog. It would bite the children’s hands when they pet the animal, the dog would piss on everything, and it would chew their shoes. This is why it was adopted.
Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets it.
I say hi to Sans. Sans shows his hand and says, "It's hand to meet you," and we both laugh.
Why do you call a pineapple a pineapple?
Because it is a pineapple, pin, apple, apple, pen, doudodo.
I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂
Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.
Kenya believe it?
I caught my mom licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that?" She replied, "I’m doing it for practice for who could suck the best dick contest in the neighborhood."
An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.
The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
'Cause it was stapled to the chicken.