IT jokes
Why would the chicken not cross the road?
Because it's too old. (The joke is old.) (The chicken is old.)
dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(
Your hairline is so bad that it turned Wonder Woman into Failure Man.
Roses are red,
foxes are red,
I like your butt, let me touch it forever.
I made a website for orphans.
It does not have a home page.
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.
“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
I couldn’t figure out why the football kept getting bigger... then it hit me!
What happens to Stephen Hawking when he logs in to his account on Google when it says, "I am not a robot?"
I'd mop the floor with your face, but you might just mess it up more.
It's the 1940s.
The chink was counting his shillings. The chink was bitching. His wife got raped in Nanking. The chink counts his shillings.
The chink gets sook chinged!
POV: It's a rapists' groupchat, not a joke section. And it's SAD.
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
Why couldn't the orphan have the bag of chips?
It was family size.
Why are orphans afraid of your orphanage?
Because I burnt it down!
What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.
People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.
He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.
Why is the U.S. so mad about the Twin Towers? It was an accident. The pilots were new.
This is not really a joke, but it's a question.
If life is a movie, then is death life? Is we seeing the trailer right now?
When it's not just a phase and you kill yourself to prove it.