Insult Jokes

Kid: Are you gay?

Me: No, I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.

When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf?

When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice...

You are the reason double doors were invented.

The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.

Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.

Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.

Yo mama so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.

What do you call a retard with a boner? A slowpoke.

Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."

My favorite sex position is ‘WOW.’ It's where I flip your mom upside down.

Which sex position produces the ugliest children?

Go ask your mother.

Yo mama so ugly, she went to the bathroom and scared the sh*t out of the toilet.

The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"

The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"

"Yellow and far apart."

Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.

If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.

Yo mama so fat, I stood next to her and lost cell phone reception.

You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.

My friend: "Yo, stupid."

Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"

My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."

Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."

So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"

"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"

And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"

Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"