INS jokes

Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?

Because he has holes in his feet.

A boy and girl are fucking. The girl yells "Senpai!" The boy smiles, pleased, but then her father walks in and says "What?"

A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.

The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"

The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

I put the Christmas balls in my sack.

You walk into an old, run-down house and you see that a light is on. You walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room, and you run to the exit to leave, but when you get to the door, somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go into the house more. You see another room with a light on, so you go in. When you go in, "flip," all the lights go off, then you see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says, "Let the game show begin." You see other people next to you and they seem scared, then a wall comes down, you see optical cords and you go on, and then a chainsaw comes at you and it misses you, but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies.

Part two coming soon. This is inspired by the SCP Foundation. Have a nice summer.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

Why did the rapper bring a telescope to the studio?

To see his FUTURE in the STARS.

When you go over a speed bump, but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone.

Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.

What is the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

He placed the chocolates and the flowers down beside her.

Silence...

And then at last she spoke...

"Unexpected item in the bagging area."

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*

I wake up in the morning and I suck my teeth.

How was the slice of cheese 🧀 doing in the kitchen?

Cheddar!

These two guys were texting each other.

Guy 1: How are you?

Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*

Guy 1: ???

Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)

I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.

What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?

They both died at 95.

There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.

Yo mama so ugly, Itachi couldn't look at her to put her in a genjutsu.