Humans jokes
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
What do you call a magic car?
A human.
What is the difference between a human and a house? A human can walk, and a house cannot walk.
I'm 50% human, so that 50% stupid is 100% you.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
What is the difference between a human and a magic house!?
A magic house 🏡 can fly, and a human can walk.
What is a dog with only two legs? A human.
What is the difference between a human and a human being in a wheelchair?
I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...
I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.
Boy: *scares girl*
Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"
Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*
Girl: What work?
Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"
Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?
In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢
Why did the alligator see a crocodile?
Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What is the difference between the human rights act and a home?
I'm like dynamite, you'll never know when I explode.
What is one thing humans do before they eat?
They beat their meat to make nuggets.
What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human can walk, and a tree 🌳 cannot walk.
What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.