Howe jokes

9mm

How do Americans learn the metric system?

9mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.

Mom

Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!

Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.

Memes

Cat

There were 10 cats on a boat. 1 jumped off. How many were left? I DO NOT KNOW.

There was none left. They were all a bunch of copycats.

Fog

After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"

Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"

Copycat

Three copycats on a boat, one jumps off. How many are left? Zero, because they're copycats!

Penis

A neighbor went up to me and asked me where my parents were. When I said, "In the bed," my neighbor said, "Oooooohh, how long is the penis?" I said, "Wait here," and I interrupted my parents while they were doing some "business" and asked my dad the exact question he said. Then he spanked me.

Rape

How do you rape someone? By forcing them to do it with you! Please comment! Bad or good! :)

Adult

How do make an adult cry?

Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.

Stereotype

Puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste, a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (I'll never be able to do it).

The mother: AI NINO (OH CHILD).

The teen: QUE? (WHAT?)

The mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! (DON'T START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN!)

The teen: I CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA!

The mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH.)

The teen: QUAL (WHICH).

The mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD).

The teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA (THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE).

*A phone buzzes.*

The teen: Whose phone is that, ma?

Unknown: MR. PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE?

*Runs to bag, opens white one and sticks hand in.*

The teen: HAIR GEL

Orphan

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell him, "Clap your hands until your mom comes."