Howe jokes
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
How did two retarded people get ran over in one second?
They're my friends.
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
How do you rape a girl?
By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!
How to trick a gay man into having sex with a woman?
Take a dump on her vagina!
Memes
How do you call a black pilot?
A pilot, you racist.
Butt plug, oh butt plug, get out of me.
Butt plug, oh butt plug, get in my mouth, oh how I wanna taste you.
Oh, butt plug, oh butt plug, something is nutty.
How did the Java programmer's son get rich?
Because of inheritance.
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.
What did one bean say to the other bean?
How you bean?
How do people in Alabama get circumcised? You knee your sister's jaw...
How do you get 100 Pikachus on a bus?
- Pokémon
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
8 jelly tickles!
Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?
A: Tumor.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
Asian conversation:
Person 1: Ni hao, how's it going?
Person 2: Konnichiwa, what's up?
Person 1: I've bing chilling.
"How do celebrities stay cool?"
"They have many fans!"
How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.