Why do orphans not know how to play baseball?
Because they cannot find home.
Howe Jokes
How do I get out of the toilet seat? Help me, please. I'm very stuck!
If Jeffy goes to an orphanage, he will die. How is he supposed to move?
How do u get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope they hung themself in...
It's this girl named Deaf, what a weird name, but I know that 'cause I was ear hustling.
But anyway, everytime I call her, she doesn't answer. I wanna clap some cheeks tonight, how could she hate me when she don't know me?
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!
How do you get a blonde to drown?
Stick a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
How do butts start a conversation?
"Let's cut to the chase!"
What starts with S and ends with S? STUPID HOMEWORK NEVER ENDS.
What starts with C and ends with K? Children do not cook.
What did you think I was going to say? How bold of you to assume.
How do asses communicate?
Through booty calls!
Random words in my keyboard:
The most annoying part of this game has always been that the players don’t know how much time it takes to get to the table before you start playing them.
Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?
Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... How many fingers am I holding up?
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
How did Sally get a free trip to Hawaii? She washed up on shore.
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.
Then I told him, "What are you doing?"
He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.
He then told me how easy would that be?
I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
