Howe jokes

Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

Hi, welcome to June's Orphanage. You make them, we bake them. How can I help you?

How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?

About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.

How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?

A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.

How dairy!

"Nining leven BITCH. I don't know how to spell, but it's that shit where the planes flew into them towers."

[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.

Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.

Sup guys, how are you?

How do stars get their name?

By a black hole because it's sueeeee!

How did the flapjack feel when syrup was drizzled on him?

Butter.

How do you spot a blind man in a nudist resort?

It's not hard.

How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.

How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?

How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.

Dawn rises on the Serengeti, and she has no idea as to how she got there.

How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.

FEW!!!!!!!

How do skeletons get COVID?

From the coffin!

Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.

Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.

Son: Dad, how was I born?

Dad: Your mum's a hoe.

Son: OK, what's a hoe?

Dad: Your mum.