Hope jokes

To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.

A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.

The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.

He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.

When he died, the Angel came back for him.

"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.

"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."

I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?

I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.

The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.

Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.

That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.

Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.

Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.

But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.

Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?

He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.

What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"

My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.

Sisters before misters.

I hope you get better.

I love you.

You’ll parsley believe how many puns I have. Hopefully your funny-bone isn’t broken because these are real rib-ticklers.

He's homeless.

Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Scheer) survivor...

The other: No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.

Hi, I hope you’re

So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.

I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.

My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up.

Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!

I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.

There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

My syndrome is down, but my hopes are up.