Home jokes
Mrs. Duncan knows where you live. She lives there too. In your basement... lolololololololololololololololololol
Me: "Hey, are your parents home?"
Orphan: "Stop calling here!"
Me in the corner.
Why are orphans lucky?
Because when they drive, they don’t need a license plate, because they don’t have a home.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?
A. He was trying to phone home.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't have a closet to come out of.
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They won't be able to find home.
What do you call a homeless orphan?
Homo-less.
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
What did the baseball chief say to the Orphan?
GO HOME!
One little orphan had roast beef, the other had none.
One little orphan went to market, the other stayed home. Wait a second.
So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.
Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"
Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."
MAN 1) Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
MAN 2) No.
MAN 1) Neither did he.
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find Homeplate.
Welcome to Peyton's Orphanage, where you make it, we take it!
Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."
If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?