Home jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
Why was the orphan so famous?
Because when they asked him go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why don't orphans go home at pickup?
Because they don't have parents to pick them up.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? They can't find home plate.
Why do orphans not like laptops?...
They don't have a homepage.
What is an orphan’s least favorite movie?
"Spider-Man," because it told them there was no way home.
Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"
Why did the orphan have to go to public school? He could not be home-schooled.
I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?
Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"
Why can't orphans call their friends?
Because they don't have a home phone!
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
When you get home and see your parents with your grades in their hands.
Twenty minutes later, they're slapping you with the belt.
When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.
When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.
I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.
Bob, why are you kicking the kids?
What, it's not like they have a home to go to.