HI jokes

I will never forget my little brother's last words, RIP.

His last words: "Paint doesn't taste good."

Hi, please like for good luck!

I was speaking to a deaf Asian man. I said, "Hi." He said, "Wha yiu sa?"

What did the cell phone say to his wife?

"I will give you a ring."

When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

How do you make a plumber die?

You kill his family.

Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?

Because it wasn’t peeling good.

What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"

Archer riddle has less atoms in his brain than he does in his dick, and his dick is 1/4 of a millimeter.

Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.

What did the pond brother say to his lake sister?

"Oasis!" (Oh, hey sis!)

My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.

What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?

His head and shoulders.

*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.

*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.

*Me sits down in the chair*

*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.

*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.

*walks out without paying*

*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.

*customer:* I told u she would.

How do you make a plumber cry?

You kill his family.

The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.

When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.

She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."

What does Stephen Hawking eat for breakfast? His shoulder.

A kid tell me he was gonna f**k my mom on Fortnite! So I told him I was gonna double pump his mom until she was wet like moisty meyers.

Like if you're not a gay.

Dislike if you're furry.

Repost if you HATE blacks.

Comment for VBUCKS.

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Two Native Americans

Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"

The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.

His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"

Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"