HI jokes

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

He wiped his ass.

What did the bison say to his son leaving for school?

"Bye son!"

Get it? Bye son, Bison!

Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!

What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?

"We need to circumcise that one."

One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.

They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.

What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?

His life insurance.

Why do orphans like to go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?

What did Yoda say to Luke during his wedding ceremony?

"May divorce be with you."

There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.

One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:

Police: "What’s you name?"

Shut Up: "Shut Up."

Police: "Where's your manners?!"

Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

The one thing I love about Steven is he stood up for all of his haters. Just kidding!

Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.

What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite food?

His shoulder.

What do you call a Mexican that has lost his car?

Carlos!

Hi 👋 I love you!

Q: Why did the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz win an award?

A: Because he was outstanding in his field.

Kid: I want to be Batman.

Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.

The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

Chuck Norris can toss Jupiter at the Sun with his bare hands.

And he still cannot win a fighting match against Bruce Lee.