HI jokes

Little Johnny's mom got a call from school saying to come over. As she does, she is met by the principal. They go into his office and the principal says, "Your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom." The mother responds, "He is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? Bring him in here." A boy walks in, and Johnny's mother says, "This isn't my son, bring him in here, I would like a word with him." The principal replies, "Ma'am, this is Clouds." The mother faints.

What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?

His ears.

Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?

He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"

Our Human Services Minister is just mad because his wife cheated on him 20 years ago.

With their brother.

Why did the author go to the emergency room?

His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.

What did Yoda say to Luke during his wedding ceremony?

"May divorce be with you."

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he'll be warm the rest of his life.

Why do orphans like to go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?

One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.

They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.

The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."

I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.

Jack and Jill went up the hill.

Jack fell down, his ass was bound, and Jill continued up the hill.

Jack came back and beat Jill's back, and he got the ultimate kill.

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.

A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.

Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?

He got caught playing with his Privates!

Why did the orphan cross the road?

He thought he saw his parents.

Oasis, am I right?

Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.

Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.