HI jokes

Why was Stephen Hawking always like this 🫠?

Because he didn’t have emojis on his computer.

Give a man a plane ticket, and he’ll fly for a day.

Push a man from a plane, and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

How do you make an orphan's hand bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?

He was roasted.

When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

When the C.I.A. raided Osama Bin Laden’s house, they found Steam on his computer. This means he was a gamer. He raged a little too hard and went for New York.

Devil: Hey angel.

Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?

Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?

Angel: What?

Devil: Angelpinos!

Why did the orphan dig six feet under?

To find his parents.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?

Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.

Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."

When I went to the basketball pitch, I saw a man dribbling his own balls.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

*Aye, Matey!*

WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!

Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?

Hi 👋 I love you!

Q: Why did the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz win an award?

A: Because he was outstanding in his field.

Kid: I want to be Batman.

Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.

What did the bison say to his son leaving for school?

"Bye son!"

Get it? Bye son, Bison!

Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

Because he wanted to win no-bell prize!