Stephen Hawking walking, oops, he does not do that anymore.
Hes Jokes
Q: Why did the blind man fall into the well?
A: Because he couldn't see that well.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Kid: “What happened to Dad?”
Mom: “He flew into the Twin Towers.”
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
- Dude, what is your favorite rapper?
- He is very cold-blooded.
- Why?
- He is Ice Cube.
- Dude, what is your favorite rapper?
- He is very cold-blooded.
- Why?
- He is Ice Cube.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
He doesn't want to be spotted.
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"
I walked towards him.
"I prefer slit," I said.
"Why?" He asked.
"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.
There was a blind man in WWE, and the commentator said, "Watch out! Watch... Oh, he can’t see." After he was sued for national offense.
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?
Cuz he got hit by a bus while crossing the street.
Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?
He always gets a great turnout.
A magician is driving, but then he "turns" into a driveway.
If you get this joke, you have no personality at all. Send all the help you can get:).
Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?
He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
