Hes jokes
Everyone is talking about Head and Shoulders, and that if he never had a shower, his batteries would have got wet.
So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.
Why did the Roman eat pizza? He felt like it.
1: My grandpa died last year.
2: What kind of cancer?
1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.
A Mexican was doing a magic trick. He said, "uno, dos," then disappeared without a trace.
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or No," she replied.
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"
So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.
He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.
How did the retard win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.
Lying bastard never came out.
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
What does a skeleton say when he has lots of work?
"I have a ton of work, skele-ton."
Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"