Herring Jokes

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

Yo mama is so retarded, they tell her it was gonna be chilly outside, she went and got a bowl!

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.

My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can and I asked "what are you doing" and she said "I'm moving"