Herring jokes

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.

The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.

A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."

Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?

Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.

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    • Stinking poo poo bum.

    Joke of the day: Your mum is so fat I saw her at Greg’s! 😭🤣

    Yo mama so stupid, she put a battery up her a** and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"

    Why should a feminist never be allowed to join the UAW United Auto Workers?

    Because the only thing that a feminist will do in the UAW United Auto Workers, is eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom and she will only pay her membership dues, if she is allowed to eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom.

    Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.