Newest Health Jokes - Page 9 - Worst Jokes Ever

Do this on a calculator.

There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the dr said (0) he said take these tablets (2x) a day but she took them (4x) a day and she ended up boobless

What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick. What’s invisible and bad for you to breath? Mustard gas. What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste

So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said "nah mate you've got cancer"

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling very well!

An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. "I don't understand it, Doc", she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas". "Thankfully", she added, "they are at least silent when I fart". Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled. The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".

please stop using this thread it is cancer

A man once ate the left-side of a person one guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. the man eating him said "No... it's okay he's alright now."

I went to the doctors yesterday I said: when I touch my back it hurts when I touch my knee it hurts when I touch anything it hurts! 😣 what’s wrong with me Doctor: you’ve broken your finger

So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."

Things said by racist aliens:

"Some of my best friends are Green." "I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship." "You're very pretty for a Purple girl." "We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!" "Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people." "You 2-headed people are so stupid!" "No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes." "Get out of my store you grigger!" "The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"

I went for my routine check up last week and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?

I made a AR that shoots boo boo bullets. It does poison time 10x damage. You have a very go chance of getting STD. Very good AR. Going for 100,000. Email: EatandDrinkbouls@gmail.com

My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam. That being said I wish he hadn't!

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path. Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.