Health jokes
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
What's black and eats Kitty?
Serval cancer.
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
What do you call a basketball player with erectile dysfunction?
Tragic Johnson.
What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?
A yeast infection.
My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
How does a woman scare their gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?
She lost her taste.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
My friend called me fat, so I challenged him to a running race.
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
Why did the rapper join a gym?
To get those SICK BARS.