Health jokes
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
Why did the dick go insane?
Someone kept messing with his head.
How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?
Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦
Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.
What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?
Monkeypox.
Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?